Could i push rewind ?

I've been wanting to write something on here. I tried, but I guess have been jaded.. of what, I don't exactly know. Maybe I'm just tired of being me. My life. Maybe I'm sick of my incompetence. I guess it's partly my fault because I've never really try, not hard enough at least. To make something better out of myself, and to confront my issues, my attitude -- towards everything. Sometimes I think maybe I don't want it enough to make a great effort. I'm just so.. uninspired.

Sometimes I think I should just let go and open up, but most of the time I let the fear take over. I am lonely, but I guess that's because a part of me wants to be alone, among other things. That is, my severely lacking of confidence and fear of rejection, for the most part. It's embarrassing,.. and pathetic. I am lame.

And there's growing up. I think when you hit 20, all your fears and worries just dawn at you. This is your life, what do you wanna do with it? What are you gonna do for a living? Do you think someone's gonna sweep you off your feet anytime soon? Do you have a shoulder to lean on when you need one?
All these.. monsters under your bed, they're right in front of you. They're coming after you. Are you ready for them? How are you gonna fight them off? Are you just gonna live with them, walk among them? Will you survive?

Maybe I think too much. Maybe I just.. overanalyze everything. But I'm starting to think it's just who I am, and I have to deal with that. Until then, I don't think I can just go on. Not anymore.